When I was about 12, I finally convinced my parents to put a phone in my bedroom. I would have never convinced them to do it, except for we finally had gotten off the party line, and I think they were in a celebratory mood. My first phone was a Princess Trimline Phone. The buttons lit up and everything. In Olive Green. It was after all 1977. And I was really into green.
They put it into my room, with a few rules.
I would get off the bus and run the mile home, call my best friend and we would talk for our hour and then I would do my homework. Mom would say she couldn’t see what we had to talk about since we’d been together all day, but we found plenty to say in our hour.
Now my children have cell phones. They are never without them. They can talk to their friends no matter when or where they are. Some times they text their friends while their friend is standing right there.
Which leads me to the most embarrassing cell phone conversation I have ever heard.
We went out to dinner one night and I excused myself to go to the ladies room. Once comfortably in my stall, I heard the lady in the next stall say, “Hey, guess where I’m calling you from?” She must have not had good service in the ladies room, because the conversation went like this:
“Hey, guess where I’m calling you from?”
“Yup, I’m in the bathroom.” Pause
“The baath-rooom.” Pause
“I’m pooping.” Pause
” I said, I’m at Shoo-knees in the baaath-room, pooping” Pause
“Yup, on my new cell phone.”
Apparently, she lost connection or the other person became so horrified by the conversation that they hung up, because soon I heard, “Guess where I’m calling you from?” She proceeds to have this conversation with 5 other people. Now I can only think of one person who might want to hear such a thing from you and that would be your gastroenterologist. I don’t know of anyone who has 5 gastroenterologists on speed dial. Who were these poor 5 people who had to hear such a conversation?
When she was done, I waited a while and then slinked from the restroom. I was terrified that she would recognize me and and I would be the person she called the next time. Luckily, she was on the way out the door calling her next poor victim.
In 1977, I am positive if I had called someone on my Princess Trimline phone and told them I was in the bathroom, my parents would have pulled the plug. When anyone called for mom when she was in the bathroom, I was to say, “Good evening, Mrs. Jones. I am so sorry, but mom is currently indisposed. I know she would not want to miss your call, can I take a message?” “Indisposed” was 1977 talk for mom is in the bathroom.
So next time you find yourself indisposed in the bathroom at Shoney’s, please, do not call me!