The Bachelorette….

I am a big fan of the Bachelor/ Bachelorette.  However, this season is boring me to tears. First off, I liked Des on Sean’s season, but frankly the most exciting part about her was her brother’s temper tantrum, and I normally hate men that act that way.

But I am a hopeless romantic, and I had hopes that Team Bachelor would bring out 25 hot, young hunks, and one of them would turn her heart strings, and we’d get to see exotic locales and after a long day of laundry, lifeguarding teenagers, and housecleaning, I could crash in front of the TV and watch Des fall in love.

The first episode proved to be as painful as watching someone get a root canal without anesthesia.  As her 26 men got out of their limos, the only one showing promise had an 8:00 bedtime and had to leave with grandma. His only advice was “marry my creepy  dad.”

As I was sighing and wondering what else to do with my summer, Hubby looked at me and said, “Just think, one of those guys will be the Bachelor.”  Oh yeah, when you pick your next star from the losing gene pool, after a while you have to expect that the person who is going to be your star is going to be a bottom feeder. Just saying.

As this season has unfolded, I have grown more and more bored with Team Des.  Seriously, I find myself reading the recap blog the next morning, because I can’t remember who was sent home. Last night we were down to the final five. I should be pulling for one, thankful that another will be the Bachelor, and praying for the other three that they find love on the Bachelor Pad. Instead I looked at Hubby as the camera panned each of their sad faces, and said, in all sincerity “What’s that guy’s name?”  Fortunately, Des couldn’t’ remember it either, and so Chris Harrison told us, “Michael”  something about goodbyes.  I listened long enough to learn the poor guy’s name before he had an awkward limo ride home.  Dude, call Mom on the plane ride home. There are no cameras there. I am not sure what your plans are for after this show, but “can you hear me now” is already taken.

So I’ll admit, I watch the show as it unfolds and don’t read spoilers, nor do I stalk the production crew, but I will make my predication now. She picks Brooks, simply because he is the only one with any personality.  Chris or Drew will be the next bachelor. She and Brooks are already over, but we won’t see that unfold until after the Final Rose.  Her brother, who apparently makes his debut next week, hates them all, because dude, he hates everybody. 

If Chris is your bachelor, notice I said your, I am not that fond of him, expect a season of poem reading love ins.  The man can not write a poem worth a flip. Dude, they are supposed to rhyme occasionally. That pained look on Des face isn’t because she is sitting on a rock. She’s desperately hoping the camera guy will knock you over the head.

If Drew is your bachelor, again, not impressed, expect lots of twenty year old bimbos with fake body parts and bleach blond locks.  He’s probably the best pick, because he cries easily.  Team Bachelor loves men that cry easily. Other than that, I don’t see much reason to pick him.  If he were my Ken doll, I’d dress him up in sailor suits, put him on Barbie’s yacht and let GI Joe blow him up. At least that’s the way we played Barbie’s as kids.

It’s possible Zak could make the Bachelor. If he does, dude, please for the love of God, wear a shirt!  Yes, women love men who show off their abs. Grow some in the off season, or learn to wear a shirt. 

I am thankful however that she got rid of Kasey. I was terrified they’d make him the next Bachelor. Oh my, did anyone else get the feeling of nails on blackboards when he talked. 

Sorry Des, but at least your bridal business should be booming now that you’ve gotten two seasons of exposure.  Here’s hoping that one of these days one of those beautiful brides will bring her hunky brother in to watch her try on dresses and he’ll sweep you off your feet and take you to some exotic locale.

Speaking of exotic locals, Team Bachelor, I realize that Des is not bringing in the big bucks in advertising, and I realize that whoever she leaves you to use as the Bachelor isn’t going to either, but seriously was the most exotic locale you could pick this week under the overpass of a bridge?  If you are going to choose the underpass, could you not at least have the camera guy shoot away from the traffic, so it’s a little less obvious that we are on the side of the road?

And all we get for a three person picnic is a few strawberries and a hand full of grapes?  If your budget is so constrained, how about letting her send home three guys next week and end this pity party now.  Perhaps there will be one diamond in the rough on the Bachelor next fall….

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